Memories
by lady lucif3r
Summary: It's been over a year since Esme was taken and Carlisle is forced to face his memories in order to move on. Read and Review


**Discalimer: I don't own any charaters. **

**A/N: My second story and my first attempt at a agnsty story, if that's a word. Timings are just over a year after breaking dawn, there is a spoiler or two in there. Can't think of much else to say really, pretty new to this, so enjoy :)**

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**Mermories**

Memories. The essence of life. What our memories contain determine whether we are happy or sad, wise or naive, angry or forgiving. Without them we are lost but when our memories are riddled with pain and loss and loneliness that all we long for, to be free from the tortures of the past. For the lucky, these memories can be forgotten, suppressed or accepted but for those unlucky ones, these memories continue to dominate their minds, eating away at their sanity, never allowing a moments peace, a moments happiness. Carlisle was one of those unlucky ones.

Of all the times he had loathed his vampire self, the last year had to be the worst. He had been so happy, his life perfect, going to his perfect job, coming back to his perfect house, his perfect children, his perfect wife.....

Not any more, those days were gone. It had been over a year since his world had been torn apart. A year since Esme had gone, only memories of her existence, even her scent had faded now. There had been no question to who had done this. The Volturi's revenge to the humiliation they had suffered thanks to the Cullen's. When Carlisle had defended his family, his children.

His children. They had moved on, and although the slightest mention or hint of Esme caused a pained silence among them, they were happy. They had returned to their lives, something Carlisle dreamed of doing but they all had something he no longer had. They had all had to someone to help them get through it, who understood they're pain and together they had come through stronger. All except for Carlisle, who was now more lonely than he had ever been before, left to spend hours by himself night after night.

The two centuries before Edward were nothing compared to this. Back then he had not known what his was missing but now he had memories. Memories of her, all the time they had spent together, never forgotten, only worsened by seeing the look of content and complete happiness shared between Alice or Jasper, or the the hug between Emmett and Rosalie. They only reminded of times now past, sending even further into a spiral of sorrow and depression.

There was only one person who could understand what he was going through. One person who could remember why this day was so special, while others saw it as another ordinary day. Of course, the anniversary of her disappearance, the anniversary of their wedding, her birthday, all these days he had been treated carefully by the others, more so than usual, where they had been nice. Had taken care to not to hurt him, but he saw the worried looks, heard the whispers behind his back. It only caused him to hurt even more, to see his family so worried for him, to show pity to him. He had once been the leader, the rock of the coven but now he was a shell of his previous self, a walking statue, cold and emotionless.

"Well, that's appropriate. Enjoying the view are we?" The voice so familiar he didn't have to turn. Beside him sat the only person who could understand what he was going through. The only person who had lost something, the only person who had been as lonely as he was now, who knew what it was like to be be surrounded by people and still be alone, and the only one to have memory long enough to remember why this day was so special.

"Nearly 90 years" Edward mused, a glance at Carlisle showed him he was treading on dangerous grounds but it needed to be said. They needed the old Carlisle back. He had always been there for them and it was time for that to be repaid. And he had been the only person who truly understood Carlisle except Esme, and it had been him who kept Carlisle from doing anything stupid. Kept him from going to Italy, from confronting the Volturi, from leaving them. And although he felt bad for denying him freedom, without Carlisle everything would fall apart. And while the others went about they're daily lives, it was Edward who tried to pick up the pieces, who tried to help him heal. It was him who had been there when Carlisle had returned that night with Esme, after he changed her. Him who had held it together, offering only words of comfort thought those long three days, while his father had gone through hell, having to listen to her every scream. And now over 80 years to the day, it was him who came to comfort him. To be with him through the pain this day bought, while the others remained oblivious.

"I couldn't have asked for a better son" Carlisle spoke aloud after a long moment of trying to piece the sentence together. His voice broke off at the end, into a half sob that he had been trying to suppress. He couldn't speak again, not without breaking down, and so merely continued to look out at the mountains, only now taking in the scene around him, he would have been memorized by the view if it had been any other situation but it wasn't, and now the forest beneath him and the mountains around him only served as cover in his desperate attempt to keep his mind occupied, so Edward wouldn't be able to read his true thoughts, so he wouldn't reveal his true anguish.

"There's no point, I heard everything" Carlisle threw him a questioning and angry look, surely he would have noticed Edward there, and shouldn't he have realised he wanted to be alone.

"I've been sat here almost as long as you have, you were too preoccupied in your own thoughts to notice. You chose a good place to come."

"Just...leave" Carlisle choked out, anger fuelling his voice but it still failed him again.

"I don't care what you say, I'm not leaving. You shouldn't be alone right now. You shouldn't keep everything in. You need to face it, so you can get past this."

"I don't want to. It hurts too much. I just can't..." He broke off into another half sob, desperate to contain his emotions, the grief that was getting closer to breaking out.

Edward took hold of Carlisle's face, forcing him to look into his eyes, "You don't have to go through this alone, we're here, I'm here"

The mental barrier Carlisle had put around his memories broke down and emotions flooded through him, taking over every part of his mind and body. He was filled with the grief and emptiness and guilt he had spent months hiding from, filled with with memories of all they're happy times together, the memory of coming home from work to find the house empty, the stench of Volturi, the note from Caius telling him what had happened, having to tell the family, having to see them hurt and all because of him. It was his job to protect them and he had failed, it was his fault.

It was all too much bare, and he broke down into tearless sobs. Edward wrapped his arms around him, in the way a parent does to protect their and to comfort them. Only this was the other way around. And what Carlisle needed protecting from was something Edward could only offer comfort to, not a cure.

He could not protect against memories, only watch them destroy a man once so happy, and only pick up the remnants they left behind.

You can't run away, you can't hide, you can't protect. For those unlucky ones, the only way to survive is to endure, to re-live, and only when this is done, can they put to rest those memories.

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**A/N: So what do you think? Any good? Please review =] I'm leaving it open with the possiblity of another chapter, but I'm not sure if that would ruin it...any thoughts? Anyway, hope you enjoyed =]**


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